Mother's Day

         

           

         

          I remember my first Mother’s Day as a young mom with a tiny infant, my husband bought me a plant for our backyard and took me out to breakfast. At church they gave me a rose. I felt so proud and so in love with my little family. I was ready to take on motherhood with everything I had.

            Fast-forward eight years and a few kids later. This year, to be honest, I have struggled a lot as a mother. I have been overwhelmed, tired, exhausted and depleted.  It has seemed hard just to accomplish the basics of running a household.  As Mother’s Day has approached I haven’t felt very worthy of being celebrated, my best idea for a gift is if my family just leaves me alone for a while. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

For most of my life Mother’s Day has been complicated holiday for me. My mother passed away when I was eight years old, each May was just a painful reminder until my daughter was born eight years ago. I have realized through the years that I have been far from alone in my hurt on this holiday.  

             I think about my grandmother who buried two of her adult children, I think of my mother who knew she would likely die before her children reached adulthood.  I think of stepmothers-- my own included-- that are under appreciated for the great task they have taken on.  The many childless Mother’s who have suffered through miscarriage, and those who passionately desire to be a mother but have not been able to conceive.

            I’m inclined to just want to skip it, pretend it is just another Sunday. However, I think we must step back and take a moment to remember that God uses our sorrows and uses our weakness to display His unending sufficiency in our lives. Matthew 11:28-30 reminds us of the Lord’s help available to us:

 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden,

 and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you,

 and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

 and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy,

 and my burden is light.”

            

          Yesterday at the grocery store my eight year old tried to sneakily interrogate me on what my favorite candy is, right now I am pretty sure she is upstairs making me a card.  These little things I must say make my tired heart swell and I am reminded of what precious gift motherhood is. These tiny lives that have been entrusted to me. My son always gives me his first hug in the morning. My independent five year old always wants me to kiss her goodnight, and my nine-month old never fails to smile when I walk into the room.

            These gifts I know not everyone has received. I know there are many out there who are hurting this weekend. I encourage you this Mother’s Day to look to our Father who has given His Son to ransom you. “Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22).

             

Do Babies Go To Heaven?

Many people have asked the question, "Where do babies go when they die?"  It is an understandable question to wonder if your baby is in Heaven.  When we look to the Bible for answers on this, we will find that there is not a passage that specifically says "Yes, all babies who pass away go to Heaven."  But did you know that God still gives us an answer to this question?

Before we go too far, we must understand why it is a question in the first place.  When Jesus Christ, the Son of God, walked the earth His message was simple and clear.  He warned hearts by proclaiming that we must repent, for the Kingdom of God was at hand (Matt. 3:2)  He declared that "He that believes not (in Jesus) is condemned already, because he does not believe in the Name of the only begotten Son of God."  (John 3:18)  And of Himself, He said "I Am the WAy, I Am the Truth, and I Am the life- no one comes to the Father but by Me." (John 14:6)  He wasn't saying this to be mean, but rather because of the reality that all of us have sinned (Rom. 3:23), none are righteous (Romans 3:10), and all are sinners from the moment of birth (Psalm 51:5).  So the nutshell- we are all sinners, seperated from God, who will face judgement by God (2 Cor. 5:10, Hebrews 9:27) UNLESS we repent and believe in Jesus.

So you can see the concern: How can a baby who has passed away, either in the womb or out, make a confession of repentance and faith?  And if they cannot, then what is their fate?  How can they be in Heaven?  Is there a way, do the rules somehow not apply to them?

First, let us understand the nature of God.  It is important to understand two things about God: 1.  He is absolute Just.  When it comes to matters of right and wrong, He is absolutely ALWAYS right.  He is the definition of truth and as Creator of the universe, He is and has the right to be the standard setter for what is wrong and what is right.  And in order for Him to be Just, it means there must also be penalty for wrong.  He could not be Just if He left sin unpunished.  2.  He is absolute love.  While He is Just, He is love.  He must sit in judgement, yet He has also placed Himself in the seat of the condemned, a sacrifice for sin. Jesus said that God "So loved the world that He gave His only beggoten Son" (John 3:16) as a sacrifice, a debt-payment for our sins, his life offered for ours BECAUSE God is love, IF we are willing to receive it. You see, God knows we are destitute and damned without Him; yet rather than leave us be, He sent His Son on a rescue mission, a mission of love and mercy.  It is NOT His desire that any should be condemend (1 Tim. 2:4)

Understanding His nature, we can safely say that it is God's desire that our babies who pass away go to Heaven.  It is not His desire that they be condemned.  He loves them, as He loves us.  So what then is the plan?  How can there be hope for those who die too young to understand the need for repentance?

Our first clue comes from Deuteronomy 1:39.  Here we find a passage in which God is addressing the children of Israel.  The people had sinned against God, and as a result, the generation of adults were not allowed to enter the promised land.  However, God had a different message for their children:  "Moreover, your little ones, which you said should be a prey, and your children, which in that day HAD NO KNOWLEDGE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL, they shall go in, and unto them will I give it, and they shall possess it."

God makes a distinction that because their children had no knowledge of good and evil, that the punishment would not fall upon them.  We see here that God Himself acknowledges there is a time when children are not yet at a place of reasoning or ability to choose right and wrong.

Our next clue comes from 2 Corinthians 5:10.  Here the Apostle Paul, under inspiration from the Holy Spirit, gives a brief description of judgement day, where he says the following: "For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ; that everyone may receive the things done in his body, according to that which he has done, whether it be good or bad."  Notice- it is the sins done in the body that we are being judged for.  If a baby cannot reason between good and evil, and we are held accountable for the sins we choose to commit in our body, then it would seem logical to conclude that they are not yet held accountable.

But there is one other thing we should look at:  2 Samuel 12:21-23.  Here we find the account of David, warrior king of Israel, the one Jesus Himself called "A man after God's own heart", suffering the loss of a baby.  His son had become very ill, and during that illness David fasted and prayed.  When the child passed away, David got up, washed himself, and ate.  His servants were perplexed; they asked him why the sudden change in behaviour.  David's answer says a lot:  "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."  David was looking forward to a reunion with his child in Heaven!

Here is the conclusion:  God loves our children more than we do.  There is Biblical evidence and examples that a baby unable to make a decision for or against Christ will be covered by His grace and mercy.  And David, under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, proclaimed hope in looking forward to a reunion with his child.

So why would God not directly give a blunt answer to this question?  As one preacher pointed out, we live in a fallen world.  Can you imagine how easy it would be for someone, or some cult, to justify killing children based on the idea that they could go to Heaven?  Believe me, cults have been started on less than that.  I believe it is for the protection of the children that there is no clear and defining answer in Scriptures.

One final thought- it is something that can bring us great hope in loss.  Knowing that our babies are safe in the arms of Jesus, we have hope that even though their life was too short here, even though we did not get to hold our babies as long as we would have liked, we can look forward to a reunion with them, if our faith and trust is in Jesus Christ.  Jesus laid out the path to Heaven, where He waits for us with our little ones.  If you have not yet received the hope that Jesus has to offer, now is the time- God says "Today is the day of salvation!" (2 Corinthians 6:2)  Look to Jesus today!  He loves you more than life itself, and is waiting with outstretched arms for you...

A Few Updates....

Blessed Reminders

            My sister in law and I found out we were pregnant about a month apart, her with her first and me with my fourth.  

             I have been blessed to live near all of my husband’s family and we see each other at least weekly. This made for exciting times. My sister in law and I compared cravings and hormones. We made plans for our future children who we knew would be great buddies.  Of course, that all came to a tragic end when I miscarried half way through my pregnancy.

            I have heard a lot about women who after they have miscarried, they can no longer bear being around their pregnant friends. It is completely understandable watching a mother swell with a healthy growing baby, while all you can think about is your own empty womb-- it is so hard.

            Truth: I cried through my sister in law’s entire baby shower, excusing myself to the bathroom every few minutes to pull myself together. I didn’t want to trade places with her, I didn’t wish she wasn’t pregnant but it was just a reminder of what was lost.  It was slightly embarrassing but guess what? I am glad I went. I am glad I chose not to avoid my sister’s special day and got to be apart of watching her become a mother.  I think that she is glad I was there too.

            Another truth is that my sister in law and I have not always had the best relationship, we have butt heads more than once in the past.  However, God has used this experience to really change and grow our bond. I now consider her one of my dearest friends.  If I had chosen to push away, if I had allowed my grief to overshadow her joy I think it would be a different story and our entire family would probably be harmed from that.

            My nephew turned one a couple weeks ago. We watched him giggle as he opened presents and ate cake.  Watching him grow over the past year has been one of the sweetest blessings.  I held him the night he was born, I fed him a bottle when he was a few months old, I’ve watched him roll over, crawl, and just recently teeter around on his two feet.  Each time I see him my mind flashes to what could have been, I think of the two little boys who could’ve been playing next to each other. I must choose not to let my mind stay there, not to see my sweet nephew as a reminder of what God has taken away but as a reminder of what God has given.

             So if the holidays are looming over you as one painful social encounter after another, go easy on yourself.  I am not suggesting you sit around and talk nursery décor with your pregnant friends, but if you can take the chance not to neglect some of the relationships you’ve been given you might find that God has orchestrated this. He may be using this to help you and heal you. That future child might always serve as a reminder of the life you once carried but in the end you might find yourself thankful for that reminder.  

Magdalena

The Lord blessed us with a healthy, beautiful little girl on August 4^th.  From the moment I first held her I was overcome with awe at what a miracle life is.

I would like to share her name with you and what a special meaning it has.  A few weeks before we lost our son my husband came across a series of letters by Martin Luther that he wrote before and shortly after his thirteen-year-old daughter passed away.  This brought much discussion between us about how painful it would be lose a child. We had no idea that God was using Luther’s example to prepare us for what was to come

"The Death of Magdalena"

 “The beloved child, Magdalena, is sick. Her portrait, painted by Cranach, is seen still in the room where she was lying, a lovely child, with large eyes, clear and deep. Near the bed is now Luther, he prays: "I love her a lot, but good God, if your will is to take her, I will give her to you with great pleasure. Then, addressing her: My little Magdalena, my little girl, soon you will not be with me, will you be happy without your father? The tired child tenderly and softly answered: Yes, dear father, as God wants. Soon, we put her in the coffin. Luther looked Ah! Sweet Lenchen, he says, you will rise again and you will shine like a star, yes, like the sun! I am happy in the spirit, but my earthly form is very sad. You have learned, he wrote to Justus Jonas: I believe the report has reached you that my dearest daughter Magdalena has been reborn into Christ's eternal kingdom. I and my wife should joyfully give thanks for such a felicitous departure and blessed end by which Magdalena escaped the power of the flesh, the world, the Turk and the devil; yet the force of our natural love is so great that we are unable to do this without crying and grieving in our hearts, or even without experiencing death ourselves. The features, the words and the movements of the living and dying daughter remain deeply engraved in our hearts. Even the death of Christ... is unable to take this all away as it should. You, therefore, give thanks to God in our stead. For indeed God did a great work of grace when he glorified our flesh in this way. Magdalena had (as you know) a mild and lovely disposition and was loved by all... God grant me and all my loved ones and all my friends such a death - or rather such a life.” (Source)

Although we did not get to enjoy our son for thirteen years, the description of Luther’s pain displayed how we felt.  The truth that someone who was famous for his bold and strong faith could feel so greatly the sting of death then certainly, it was not because our lack of faith that we felt such pain.

The day we found out we were expecting a little girl my husband told me that he would like to name her Magdalena. The name also means tower. She will always remind us of her brother, I will always remember the painful road that brought her to us, but more than that I want to remember that God has “been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.” (Psalm 61:3) Our sweet little Maggie is a living display of God’s grace and mercy, not in just giving her to us but also in sustaining us through the earthly pain of the death of our son who just as Luther’s Magdalena “has been reborn into Christ’s eternal Kingdom”—and that is the truth we cling to.

Pregnancy after Loss

         For the last two months or so, my house has been a bustle of activity, there has been some remodeling, painting, scrubbing, more painting, organizing, re-organizing, re-arranging, clearing out, setting up. You see, I am about 37 weeks pregnant and almost every waking moment has been consumed with the preparation of my little girl’s arrival.

             Last summer my life did not look this way, it was surrounded by a darkness that I thought would never lift. That gave way slowly to the desire to bear another child, and then to the disappointment in not conceiving.  Then finally with joy and much fear the realization that we were expecting again. My little girl, who at this very moment I can feel squirm in my womb, what an incredible blessing, I cannot wait to have her here in my arms.

            Being pregnant after a loss has been nothing less than a roller coaster of emotion, the anticipation of the first kicks, the sweet relief when they finally came, and the sheer panic of not feeling them often enough. It has been a daily lesson of trusting in the Lord and realizing once again my lack of control. At this moment my body is giving life to my daughter but it is not sustaining it—the Lord is.

            When I found out I was pregnant it was just a few short weeks after what would have been my due date with my son. The first thing I realized was that my grief did not vanish, I was not somehow healed by the promise of another baby. I don’t think I consciously expected to be, but somewhere deep inside I thought it would right everything in my world. Instead I was faced with an onslaught of emotions I really didn’t know what to do with, the instant love for the new child and the profound and deep sadness of moving farther away from my son. I wanted to be excited, but didn’t want to forget our son; I didn’t want others to forget him either. I also did not want to allow myself to get too excited about the new baby, knowing that God could choose to take her as well.

            When a loved one is dies, people often put unrealistic expectations on themselves about how they should act and when, sometimes feeling guilty for allowing themselves to be happy. I have not been immune to this struggle, the truth is I can simultaneously miss and grieve our son and look forward with joy and excitement at the arrival of our daughter.  Sometimes it is not so easy to accept blessings; sometimes my heart is clouded in pessimism and I can’t see a pleasant future. The Lord wrote our season of sadness and now it seems that he is bringing us into a season of joy- we should celebrate that without the expectation of tragedy.

            Last year the Lord took our son away, this year he has given us a new little girl. He has not changed, he does not love us more now than he did then, and we did not pass some sort of test. He would be the same merciful and gracious God if he had chosen to never give us another child again or if He chose to take another one away.

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21