God's control in our pain

           

           Sitting in church on Good Friday next to my sister in law, as  she bounced her five month old on her lap I was hit with thoughts like “I should be bouncing my four month old, I should be taking my crying baby out of the service, this would be my son’s first Easter”.

            It is hard to wrap my mind around missing someone you never actually met, someone that you don’t know a thing about their personality. I miss my son. I miss all the things I did not get to experience with him all the smiles and kisses that are lost, birthdays never to be celebrated. 

            The verse that is famously quoted by every Christian mother when she is pregnant was never so precious to me as is it was when I lost a baby. 

“For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

 Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

            The truth is our children are not “lost” at all.  In eternity past God wrote the exact number of days each one of them would live. They did not live one day less or one day more than he intended or that they should have. This should not have been my son’s first Easter with me, I should not be holding him right now even though I desperately want to be.  God is good, my friends, he knows the pain you are enduring and he allowed it anyway. His purpose is to give you more of HIM.  God is an unending fountain of grace and mercy and he is willing to pour it out to you now.  We are locked into the perspective of time, stuck for the rest of our lives with a missing family member, but God holds eternity and he sees the end of the story where we are restored and made new, having forgotten the sting of death forever. He has your child, secure and with him—we are waiting for eternity, our children are already there.

             

           If you struggle with wondering where you child is now, please take the time to listen to John MacArthur’s sermons on the subject. 

               https://www.gty.org/resources/sermon-series/269/what-happens-to-babies-who-die

Strength of my Heart

     “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

            In the moments, days and weeks after hearing the painful words “ I’m sorry there is no heartbeat.” It seemed that simple living was painful. Simple walking and talking, I remember getting through each day and collapsing into bed in tears because life, and grief were just exhausting. 

    After hearing about his son’s death King David “arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.” (2 Samuel 12:20)

   On those hard days, that did not quickly pass and- yes that still show up. I can take a note from David: Rise, Wash, and Worship the Lord.  As hard as it may be, life goes on. Days turn into weeks and months, we must go on. There is not a magic formula to take our pain away, rising and eating did not take David's pain away, and it will not take ours away, neither did worshiping. Worship however, does give us perspective and shows us that we can look to the Lord and call upon Him in our distress, he will be our portion and our strength.  God was faithful to bring David through that trial, and more importantly he was faithful in being with him in the trial.
  A good friend reminds me often that we are to “run the race” the child we have lost—their race is done. Ours must go on, let us cry to the Lord at our moments of weakness—he is will give us endurance for each day until our race is through. 

I shall go to him...

2 Samuel 12:23: “But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me”.

            These are the words of David after his infant son died. David knew his son would die and he fasted and prayed that God would change his mind and allow his son to live. God did not, and the baby died.

            This story -this verse- is that of tragedy and sorrow, but in the second part “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me” it seems to be a statement of despair but there is actually a great amount of hope. In this verse we actually catch a glimpse of the Cross.

            When Jesus hung on the cross and took the punishment that we deserved upon himself. He reconciled sinners, “making peace by the blood of his cross” (Col 1:20). David understood this, centuries before Jesus ever came to earth. His hope was in the shed blood of his messiah. The only possible hope we may have is in the same.  Without this act David would have no thought of “going to him” there would only be the promise of death. In the cross there is the promise of eternity, the promise that this life and all the pain that is inevitable is not the end. There is a promise that our children who we will never hold in our arms, are in the presence of the Lord. Right now they are with Him! And no they will not return to us but one day we will go to them. What a glorious day that will be!

            Here at David’s Hope we want to help you navigate this tragedy in light of God’s word. If you or someone you love has lost a pregnancy or an infant, we would love to offer you counseling, or a memory box for your child. You may contact us at davidshopeministry@gmail.com