Blessed Reminders

            My sister in law and I found out we were pregnant about a month apart, her with her first and me with my fourth.  

             I have been blessed to live near all of my husband’s family and we see each other at least weekly. This made for exciting times. My sister in law and I compared cravings and hormones. We made plans for our future children who we knew would be great buddies.  Of course, that all came to a tragic end when I miscarried half way through my pregnancy.

            I have heard a lot about women who after they have miscarried, they can no longer bear being around their pregnant friends. It is completely understandable watching a mother swell with a healthy growing baby, while all you can think about is your own empty womb-- it is so hard.

            Truth: I cried through my sister in law’s entire baby shower, excusing myself to the bathroom every few minutes to pull myself together. I didn’t want to trade places with her, I didn’t wish she wasn’t pregnant but it was just a reminder of what was lost.  It was slightly embarrassing but guess what? I am glad I went. I am glad I chose not to avoid my sister’s special day and got to be apart of watching her become a mother.  I think that she is glad I was there too.

            Another truth is that my sister in law and I have not always had the best relationship, we have butt heads more than once in the past.  However, God has used this experience to really change and grow our bond. I now consider her one of my dearest friends.  If I had chosen to push away, if I had allowed my grief to overshadow her joy I think it would be a different story and our entire family would probably be harmed from that.

            My nephew turned one a couple weeks ago. We watched him giggle as he opened presents and ate cake.  Watching him grow over the past year has been one of the sweetest blessings.  I held him the night he was born, I fed him a bottle when he was a few months old, I’ve watched him roll over, crawl, and just recently teeter around on his two feet.  Each time I see him my mind flashes to what could have been, I think of the two little boys who could’ve been playing next to each other. I must choose not to let my mind stay there, not to see my sweet nephew as a reminder of what God has taken away but as a reminder of what God has given.

             So if the holidays are looming over you as one painful social encounter after another, go easy on yourself.  I am not suggesting you sit around and talk nursery décor with your pregnant friends, but if you can take the chance not to neglect some of the relationships you’ve been given you might find that God has orchestrated this. He may be using this to help you and heal you. That future child might always serve as a reminder of the life you once carried but in the end you might find yourself thankful for that reminder.