Sitting in church on Good Friday next to my sister in law, as she bounced
her five month old on her lap I was hit with thoughts like “I should be
bouncing my four month old, I should be taking my crying baby out of the
service, this would be my son’s first Easter”.
It is hard
to wrap my mind around missing someone you never actually met, someone that you
don’t know a thing about their personality. I miss my son. I miss all the
things I did not get to experience with him all the smiles and kisses that are
lost, birthdays never to be celebrated.
The verse
that is famously quoted by every Christian mother when she is pregnant was
never so precious to me as is it was when I lost a baby.
“For you formed my
inward parts;
you knitted me
together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and
wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very
well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made
in secret,
intricately woven in
the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)
The truth
is our children are not “lost” at all.
In eternity past God wrote the exact number of days each one of them
would live. They did not live one day less or one day more than he intended or
that they should have. This should not have been my son’s first Easter with me,
I should not be holding him right now even though I desperately want to be. God is good, my friends, he knows the pain you
are enduring and he allowed it anyway. His purpose is to give you more of HIM. God is an unending fountain
of grace and mercy and he is willing to pour it out to you now. We are locked into the perspective of time,
stuck for the rest of our lives with a missing family member, but God holds
eternity and he sees the end of the story where we are restored and made new,
having forgotten the sting of death forever. He has your child, secure and with
him—we are waiting for eternity, our children are already there.
If you struggle with wondering where you child
is now, please take the time to listen to John MacArthur’s sermons on the subject.
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